


Getting A Head

by Sp00py



Series: Best Buds [1]
Category: Wander Over Yonder
Genre: Casual Sex, Cunnilingus, Oral Sex, Other, Panties, nb girl wander
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-21
Updated: 2017-04-21
Packaged: 2018-10-22 02:54:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10688331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sp00py/pseuds/Sp00py
Summary: Wander, Hater, an icy crevice, and plenty of time.





	Getting A Head

**Author's Note:**

> ty to my betas, [Xaren Jo](http://archiveofourown.org/users/xaren_jo) (and on tumblr) and iggycat95 on tumblr, because i know neither how to grammar nor to skelly dance. any errors now are the fault of me, myself, andmy last-minute tweaking alone. feedback is lovely

Wander launched himself at Hater, wrapping around his head like a facehugger, getting all his noodly limbs involved to latch on tight. Hater stumbled backwards, arms flailing, and only barely managed to catch his balance before they could topple over the edge of the cliff.

"Hater!" Wander squealed, ignoring the hand around his body that was trying to pry him off. "You saved me!"

Further in the glittering icy cave was a wall of tumbled, crumbled ice. On the other side, warped by the ice, paced a hulking, angry beast. The noises it made were sharp and loud, like the surrounding ice floes cracking, and it searched and scratched for some weak point in the wall to get at what had been, until Hater got involved, its next, tiny meal.

Hater hadn't meant to save Wander. He'd just seen red when he heard that squeaky accent bouncing off everywhere in this grop-awful cave system. So like any sane, slightly obsessed supervillain, he ditched his entire invasion to go get Wander. Then when he saw  _ orange _ , well, lighting flew, there was screaming (though not, Hater had been disappointed to realize, from Wander), and, now, Wander was saying he'd saved him.

And he still wouldn't get off Hater's head. Wander had moved on to nuzzling against his cheekbone, making some weird vibrations that reminded Hater of Tim when he was happy.

"Oh, gross, you're purring!"

With a renewed energy, Hater got both hands involved and yanked. Hard. Wander came loose.

So did Hater's head.

Without a head, his body's coordination plummeted, and Hater flung Wander way harder than he intended. He flew, shrieking in Hater's poor earhole, right out the cave entrance.

If Hater's stomach wasn't both back in the cave and technically nonexistent, it would have dropped as they plunged from a blinding white world into a blue-lit fissure between two sheets of ice.

Wander grunted as he hit a wall, a ledge, and, finally, the ground with a muffled thud. He let go of Hater's head, which rolled a foot or so away to bump gently against the wall of their hole.

Hater rolled his eyes up to squint at the bright light high, high above them, then looked at Wander. He was sitting up, eyes squeezed shut, a hand to his head, another to his back. His hat wasn't anywhere Hater could see.

"You okay, Lord Hater?" Wander asked through a wince.

"Pft, yeah. That didn't hurt at all," Hater said dismissively. "I'm not all soft and weak like you, I guess."

Wander climbed gingerly to his feet and hobbled over to Hater. "That's good," he said with a bit of a strained grin as he settled more carefully next to Hater. "Um. You've... lost some weight. Like a whole body's worth.

"That happens when annoying orange puffs won't get off my face."

Wander's hands, soft and warm and furry, gently picked up Hater's head to snuggle against. Hater puffed futilely at his face, like Wander was a dandelion he could blow away to keep him from hugging him again, but there was nothing he could do to stop the cuddle. "I'm sorry, Yorick," he said with a giggle, though Hater didn't know who Yorick was. "I was just so excited, seein' my buddy rescuin' me from that ice beast 'n' all. Is your body gonna be okay?"

Hater rolled his eyes as he was enveloped. "Yeah, it'll be fine. Doesn't do a lot without me."

"Heh, guess you're the brains of the operation, huh?"

"I am. And since you lost my body, you have to do what I say."

Wander leaned back and smiled down at Hater. "Sure thing, my bodiless bud! So what do we do first?"

"Get out of here. Where's your stupid hat?"

Wander reached up and touched his head, like he only just realized it wasn't there. He looked around, then back to Hater, and shrugged. "Not here."

"You don't seem too worried."

"It's probably with your body. And I trust ya to take care it."

Hater was silent for a long moment, then conceded the point, because there were more important things to deal with right now than Wander's entirely unfounded, frequently discouraged trust in him. It was like he didn't even remember that whole incident when Hater had gotten the hat last time. "Guess you're climbing, then."

"Okay!" Wander set Hater down again and hopped to his feet, any earlier pain vanished at the prospect of helping. After a moment's consideration of the fissure that Hater couldn't see, he stepped on Hater's face.

"H--hey, what!"

"Sorry, but there's this little ledge here! If I can grab it... It'll just be a moment," Wander said apologetically, stretching up where Hater couldn't see since he had a foot in one eye and a --

Hater's mouth gaped as he realized he was glaring right up Wander's skirt.

And there was underwear there.

Hater'd always kind of figured Wander was this weird, sexless little muppet, but a sexless little muppet wouldn't need underwear, right? He was even sure, based on his extensive research online, that these were girl panties. They were orange like Wander’s fur, with bright purple edging, and slightly darker orange hearts printed all over. If Hater wasn't trapped like this, Wander above him, standing on tiptoe  _ on his eye still _ , he could easily have thought it was his fur and nothing else on a glance. But that wasn't the situation now.

Hater wore underwear despite not having anything to hide because he was a guy, and guys wore boxers. If those were panties…

Following that logic, was Wander a girl?

Hater's mouth opened wider in a silent scream of horror at the idea.

Wander slipped at the sudden movement and fell into his gaping maw with a yelp, legs sprawled on either side of Hater's head. He blinked owlishly at his sudden position, as though not really sure what had happened. Hater tried as hard as possible not to move his tongue despite the tickle of fur all along it.

"Are you sure you're okay, Hatey?" Wander asked, leaning forward and pressed a hand against Hater's forehead.  He didn't seem at all bothered by the tongue between his legs. "You're lookin' a little green. And your skull's all moist-y."

Hater whined, which was enough for Wander to realize, at the least, that he couldn't exactly answer while he was practically guzzling Wander's groin. With an embarrassed giggle, Wander climbed to his feet.

"That better?"

"G-girl," Hater managed to spit out. He'd tongued a girl. And it was Wander. Girl Wander. Like some sort of.... of Girlder.

"You saw a girl? D'ya think she can help us?" Wander asked, looking enthusiastically around their tiny, frozen hellhole.

"You. Girlder."

Wander nodded. "Yeah, a girder'd be real useful now, if a little weirdly specific, but I don't got my hat, remember?"

"OH MY GROP," Hater screamed, head rolling back and forth on the ground.  "YOU'RE A GIIIIRL."

The shrieking echoed all around. Wander covered his earholes and crouched down until a few clumps of snow dropped onto his head from higher ledges. He scrambled over to Hater and manually held his jaws shut. When the vestiges of his revelation died away, and it looked like Hater wasn't going to keep screaming, Wander relaxed his grip.

"What do you mean, Hater?"

"You. Upskirt. Underwear. Girl underwear."

"Oh, you saw my panties. Did you like 'em?" Wander stood and pulled up the felted layers of fur, showing off the underwear. Definitely panties. He hadn’t even tried to deny it. "I like 'em 'cause they got cute little hearts."

"You're wearing  _ girl _ underwear," Hater finally managed. "You're a girl."

Wander settled down next to Hater again, hiding his forbidden panties, and now all Hater could see in his every movement was girl movements. Every past cuddle and hug and snuggle. He didn’t want to be laying here, reframing every interaction with Wander to date, but, well, here he was. Hater was so confused.

"I guess, sort of, yeah," Wander said, pulling Hater from all these newly tinted memories.

"Sort of?" Hater asked suspiciously.

"Physically, yeah, I'm a girl. Folks just call me a boy, here, and ain't no skin off my nose what folks call me."

"You don't have a nose."

"Which is why it's no skin off it," Wander said, tongue between his teeth. He snuggled a little closer, and Hater could see melted snowdrops clinging to his fur. He wondered if Wander was cold, though he, being only a skull right now, didn't exactly offer much in the way of warmth. "Would you like it better if I was a girl?"

That question shouldn't have stumped Hater, but he couldn't think of how to answer. He didn't like Wander. But he did like girls. He also sort of liked boys, but Wander wasn't supposed to be either. Especially not his favorite of the two.

"I... like girls," he settled on as an answer.

Wander smiled and bumped his forehead against Hater's, probably picking up on the confusion he was broadcasting like a radio signal. "I can be a girl just for now. An’ later, I'll just be me."

After a few more moments contemplation, Hater rocked his skull in approximation of a nod. "Yeah. Yeah, okay," he agreed. He could handle that sort of disconnect. This was simply a girl who happened to look like Wander. Who'd been rocking on his tongue barely a few moments ago. He laughed in disbelief. "I got to third base with a girl."

Wander tilted his head in confusion at Hater's sudden, optimistic announcement, then his smile turned a little more sly. "Since I’m thinkin’ it’ll take a while for Syl and Mr. Peepers to find us..." He leaned in close to whisper right in Hater's ear, "Wanna make it a home run?"

Hater's jaw fell off, and Wander -- not Wander, fuck -- casually pushed it back into place. A girl was coming onto him. "Yes, please," he managed to wheeze out.

Wander stood up, and this time Hater's eyes trailed up his -- her -- legs of their own accord. Stick-thin and flat and not really the sort of type Hater liked to ogle, but now there was a teasing bit of shadow up there. Hater really wanted to be the one reaching up under Wander's skirt and pulling down those  _ kind of _ cute, he supposed, underwear. But his hands were with his body, which he could vaguely feel milling around in the blustery coolness of the cave.

Wander folded the underwear carefully and set them on a mostly snow-free bit of ice. Hater glanced down at his shoes. "I'm gonna need the traction," Wander said apologetically. "Since you don't got... really anythin' but your head."

Hater's eyes narrowed as Wander approached, causing him to stop.

"What?"

"Why are you doing this?"

"Lettin' you eat me out?" Wander shrugged. "I dunno. You seemed real excited about doin' it with a girl, 'n' I ain't no Dominator or nuthin' in the looks department, but I'm here and she ain't and, more importantly, I  _ do _ like you, Hatey."

Hater considered this for a moment. There didn't seem to be any guile in Wander's statement, so he gave a resolute rock of his head. "Whatever. Fine. But this doesn't leave this crevice, got it?"

"Promise I won't tell a soul," Wander said solemnly as he straddled Hater's face, feet planted on either side of his jaw. He lifted his skirt a bit so Hater could see what his panties had been hiding. Nestled in short, dense fur were a small pair of frilled lips tipped with a little, pink clit.

Hater swallowed. This was the closest he'd ever been to an actual naked girl before. Even if it was a Wander-shaped one. And he was mostly naked most days, anyway.

"You okay?"

"Y-yeah," Hater squeaked, then cleared his throat and tried for deeper, more in control. "I mean, sure. I don't have my hands so... "

"Oh, right!" Wander giggled as he lowered himself to his knees above Hater's mouth. Hater could feel the fur of his skirt brushing gently against his teeth as he curled over, hands braced on Hater's horns, to look him in the eye. "I gotta admit, I'm a little nervous."

"W-why?" Hater asked, and Wander shivered at the movement of air.

"Well, I like ya a lot, Hater. And I wasn't really plannin' on this particular situation comin' about, so couldn't really prepare like I normally do. I don't want it to be bad."

Hater wanted to roll his eyes. What was there to prepare? Wander was so, so close and he was _chatting_. Then he realized Wander  _ was _ so close. Instead of dragging it out by talking more, Hater just licked his crotch with one wet, easy movement.

Wander squeaked, fingers tightening around Hater's sensitive horns, and that went right to a groin Hater didn't currently possess. When he looked about to speak again, Hater pressed his tongue against the soft lips. He felt Wander's legs trembling.

Wander giggled and nuzzled his cheekbone. "G-gettin' right to it, huh, Hater?"

"Oh my grop," Hater muttered against Wander. "Shut up, Wander."

"Oookay, I'll try," Wander agreed breathlessly as Hater began to tongue his clit. His little orange body slumped against Hater's face, chest fluttering with his rapid breathing. When Hater realized Wander wasn't making _ any _ noise, though, he stopped.

Wander's hips undulated against his still tongue, so he wasn't unconscious. "Wander?" Hater asked, the word slurred since his mouth was kind of full.

"Yeah, Hater?"

"You're really quiet," Hater said. Wander gave a shuddering sigh as his breath ghosted over his wet vulva.

"You told me to be quiet, so I'm bein' quiet."

A devious thought entered Hater's head as Wander panted against him. That hadn't been what he'd meant, but if Wander was going to take it like that -- Hater would make a liar out of him.

"Rrrright," he purred against Wander, who gave a muffled little cry. His hands were wringing Hater's horns almost painfully tight, and it was amazing. "Shhhh."

He lapped at Wander's cunt, which had a sweetness he hadn't expected from everything he'd read and seen online. The lips had little folds that Hater could play with, suck on, prod teasingly at the entrance hiding in them. He'd kill to have his fingers so he could explore more thoroughly, since right now he couldn't even see what he was doing, but he'd take this blind fumble over nothing any day.  Wander's writhing wasn't helping any, though the smothered noises he couldn't help but let escape and the urgent grinding weren't things Hater was going to complain about.

But he was still _being quiet_.

Carefully, Hater closed his mouth until Wander was pinned lightly between his teeth, the top row pressing into the fur of his belly, the bottom grazing his spine. Hater gave Wander a moment to realize his position.

The little nomad sat back, hands dropping from Hater's horns to rest on his cheekbones. His mouth was gaping and wet, and almost self-consciously, Wander licked his lips. His eyes were half-lidded, with pupils blown big and dark and sparkling. He wasn't making eye contact, either. Hater bit down a little harder, earning a thin, wanton cry. Wander seemed to be leaving everything in Hater's control, which was a lot of pressure but also really exciting. He finally had Wander at his mercy.

Hater rolled his tongue and pressed the tip against Wander's entrance. He doubted he'd get very far with Wander being so small and tight, but even just dipping the tip in was doing interesting things to Wander's face. Hater alternated between flicking across his hot little clit and probing his entrance until Wander was a shaky, sodden mess. His juices, Hater decided, were definitely sweet, in an earthy, flowery sort of way. Hater lapped at them, coaxing out more until Wander broke or Hater's body decided to fall down the cliff and join them. Hater could feel it was getting hot even with all the ice, and willed it to stop moving around before it hurt itself.

"Please, Hater," Wander cried desperately, hands braced on Hater's face. "Eat me or fuck me or  _ somethin' _ . I can't take it anymore."

Hater’s tongue stopped moving. He hadn't expected that to come out of Wander. Or for his stupid accent to sound way sexier saying such dirty things. He chose to think it was because he was naturally that good, not that Wander was just needy or anything, though he doubted someone like Wander got laid very often.

Obligingly, he found Wander's entrance again and pushed in a little ways. He could feel Wander tense around him, as though his muscles were trying to keep him in, but expecting him to pull back out again. With a cackle Hater slowly pushed further in instead. His tongue was already feeling constricted in Wander’s compact body. He imagined a dick in there far too easily. Making Wander scream like Hater had never managed to on a torture rack.

Wander choked, unexpected claws popping out and dragging along Hater's skull. How had Hater never known about the claws? Though there were a lot of things about Wander Hater was only now learning. Claws weren't the weirdest.

"More, please," Wander moaned, twisting in between Hater's teeth. “I’m real… real accomodatin’,” he added as assurance.

His enthusiasm was washing away any lingering worries about it being  _ Wander _ , about this being Hater's first time doing anything like this. He was the greatest, and this was with him missing nine-tenths of himself. If Wander said he could handle more, Hater was glad to test that claim.

Wander's cunt throbbed around Hater's tongue as it was stretched to allow its thick, soft girth. Hater could feel it moving the fur under his teeth as it went higher. Was there anything in Wander but a hole dripping honey? It wasn't like Hater knew anything about him. Maybe he was actually a fleshlight that someone had given a fur coat and sentience. If that was the case, Hater’d been approaching this whole Wander thing all wrong.

Hater's jaw slackened as he licked inside of Wander, and as soon as he was freed, Wander instinctively writhed, feet scrabbling for purchase on the snowy ice, hands carding through his own fur, one tracing down to the bulge below his ribs and back up, the other going further to tease his clit. He bounced on Hater's tongue, slicked and warm and starting to honestly ache a little with how Wander was abusing it.

This was way hotter than Hater had signed up for. He felt like he was high on Wander's pleasure, and Wander had given up any pretense of silence.

He was practically begging Sylvia or some monster or an avalanche to find them with how loudly he was listing the entire G-section of his exclamation dictionary. "Oh golly -- oh gosh -- oh gracious -- oh glory -- oh Hatey!" he cried out, peaking as Hater got deep enough he was probably licking the back of Wander's throat. There was a quick rush of more sweetness, warm and viscous as it mixed with his spit and oozed into the back of Hater’s mouth.

Wander draped forward onto Hater's face like a marionette with its strings cut.

It took Hater a hazy minute to notice Wander was planting tiny, soft kisses all over his face. Hater's tongue was still up inside of him, being gently squeezed by afterspasms and lazy rolls of Wander's hips. He pulled it out though he didn't want to and Wander didn't want him to, judging by that pathetic whine.

"S-stand up," Hater muttered, voice muffled by the furball sitting in his mouth.

Unquestioningly, but with shaky legs and a lot of weight on his hands braced against Hater's head, Wander did. Once he was stable, he straightened and lifted the fringe of his skirt again. If Hater thought his tongue had been abused, it was nothing compared to Wander's cunt. The lips, which had been soft and small and pink before were now plump and flush and glistening, and his little clit was bright red like a button Hater shouldn't touch but wanted to anyway. The fur of his thighs was dark with fluids.

"Well?"

"You're a mess."

"Is... is that bad?" Wander asked, biting his lip. His fur was tousled and his eyes were wide and dark. He looked the definition of well-fucked. And a little confused.

"It's fine," Hater said gruffly. "I could've done better if I'd had my body."

Wander moved to the side and sank down, a hand to his heart. "I don't think I coulda taken the whole package," he said. "Not yet anyway. That was... that was somethin' else. I got a bit overwhelmed by ya."

Hater grinned at how winded Wander sounded. Like he’d genuinely hadn't expected how good Hater had been. To be honest, Hater hadn't either, but he’d loved making Wander squirm. That was something he had yet to manage in any of their chases or torture sessions. "Greatest in the galaxy," he said. "Remember?"

Wander leaned over Hater’s face they could look at each other. Hater could practically count the snowflakes lingering in his lashes. He placed another kiss on Hater's nosebone and murmured fondly, "Number one superstar.” Then, with zero warning, he hopped to his feet like nothing had happened and slipped his underwear back on. “Ah,  _ chilly _ \-- Now let’s see ‘bout gettin’ outta here. I bet Sylvia and Mr. Peepers are real worried.”

Hater opened and closed his mouth, like Wander should still be in there, instead of standing and blabbering like nothing had happened. Like Hater hadn’t just given him a mind-blowing orgasm, so far as Hater could tell.

But then Wander knelt down again and turned Hater’s head toward him. Wander closed his eyes, puckered his lips, and leaned in. The kiss was chaste and lingering and warm, and Hater had to let Wander take control of it because he’d never done this before, though he’d never admit to that. He hoped he wasn’t messing it up.

Wander sat back, a beatific smile on his face. “You did great, Hatey,” he assured him, as though he’d read Hater’s mind, then climbed again to his feet to find a way out of the hole. Hater watched him explore, one-sided conversation filling the air between them. Occasionally he’d look back over and grin happily, and Hater felt a flutter in his stupid, absent heart.

Then he realized he hadn't once thought of Wander as a girl or not-Wander their entire encounter.

And his mouth was covered in fur he couldn't even spit out or wipe off without hands.

Fuck. Peepers was going to kill him.


End file.
